I Once Knew A Girl

In The Years Of My Youth

My New Philosophy
Im seventeen years old. I dont know everything. Im trying to live my life. If you dont like it; go live your own.

So people tried throwing Lyssa under the bus. Nice one guys.

Okay first off; before i start with any good news, i need to talk to you, because people are pissed off at you down here.
A. because for however long you were down here you were a lesbian, and you go up there and are instantly in a relationship with a guy
B. they think you lead everyone on down here and you also let a lot of people down by randomly dating a guy because a lot of closet cases trusted you.
C. the fact that we're all getting countless tweets, and facebook statuses, about it, is annoying, yes, we're happy for you, but we don't want to hear it everyday.
D. the fact that you're ' in love' after what two weeks? is more than far fetched and you're not, i'm sorry but it doesn't happen, this isn't the movies.

alright, that's everything i was told to tell you, people aren't happy about it at all. and if you're not pissed at me, then i'll tell you about the guy

A.I was pretty fucking damn sure I was a lesbian. Why Im jusifying myself to the general public of Jersey is beyond me, I really dont feel like I owe any of them anything. But yeah. So I found a guy that gives me butterflies. No guys has done that in a very long time. Okay? Moving on.
B.If I lead anyone on, seriously I dont know where that one is coming from but if I did, I didnt intentionaly do that. I dont know if you've ever noticed this about me but I dont like going out of my way to hurt people. Its not something I do. Or do well for that matter; I mean comeon I can barely plan a party let alone plan to tye my own damn shoes.
C. Okay then, my bad about spamming it. But Im happy. What are you gunna do?
D. I know what I feel. And I've felt this way before. And I didnt know what to call it then. And right now Im not sure what exactly to call it. A great abundance of feelings? A ton of senses that get overwhelmed at the thought of him? What, you never felt like that? Stomache flips at the sound of the persons voice, heart kartwheels, legs get wobbly, sweaty palms?
Yeah, so its been two weeks. I've lived up here for three.

Let me tell you something.
I have never been so damn happy in my life.
So people are pissed that I called myeself a lesbian? Im still attracted to girls!
So I have alot of feelings towards a guy.
Fucking kill me.

Im the way Alyssa signed the message was if I was pissed at her. Im not pissed at her. I shrugged it off.

I talked about htis earlier today with Savanah.
And if any of you have a problem; dont send Alyssa.
Grow a pair.

I mean really?
Im seventeen.
Im somehow a junior in highschool.
And Im 800 miles from total familiarity but Im learning fast.
Thats what I do, I learn from my experiances and the world around me.

My experiances brought me to the conclusion that Im gay.

I still am sexually attracted to girls.

But I found a guy that has something about him that no other guy that I have ever met has.
When I have a name for it, I'll let you know. Till then; its nameless.

Why the fuck am I justifying myself.
I have nothing to justify.
Nothing to say sorry for.

All I have to say is- if you have ever been in love; you'd understand.

And if you really are a friend; you'd care about me being happy.

Writer's Block: Random acts
What was your last random act of kindness? Do you believe in karma?

Im not sure?
I know thats bad.. Im told all too often that Im too nice to people. My last random act of kindness was talkng to that girl that no one sits with at lunch. Haha. Im the new girl and IM going out of my way to sit and talk with people with no friends lol. Oh the irony lol.

The songs right.. Memories of you are more like bad dreams.
I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved
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My weekend was.. Beautiful.

Friday night I spent at Jers.
All of Saturday; @ Jers.
Saturday night; @ Savanahs.
Sunday @ Savanahs, then Kelseys, then w/ Jer then at Jers w/ Greame and then our into the cold world
We were suposed to go to Applebees but then we found out they close at 9...


Friday night was amazing..
In every sense of the word.
Enfisis before each period..

I know what I said about being slow..
But.. I dunno.
Im scared now that he'll get bored of me.
Im having.. So much fun.
And all these feelings..
They're overpowering almost..
Like a head rush.
Heart palpitations.
Numb limbs.
But all in a good way somehow.

I kidnda wish that we hadnt fallen into his bed last Sunday..
Apart of me says 'what are you doing?? Hes not a bootycall. Hes not one of the skanks from back home. Hes. Amazing. Stop. Fucking. It. Up! AND STOP FUCKING HIM.'
The other part says "Give into it. Go with it. Its all natural. Its beautiful. The way your bodies intertwine. The way you sleep in his arms. Amazing."

He makes me have butterflies at the most random moments.
He makes me giddy with laughter even when hes not saying anything.
He makes me want to laugh and cry and sing and shout all at the same time..

He makes me enjoy life again.

I see it all through diffrent eyes.
I see beauty in things I never would have.
I see light and happiness and good things..
The negative barely enter my mind..
And its all beautiful.
Everything is beautiful.

Sigh. Anyhow. I have to post about the weekend..

I bit the shit out of his neck Friday/Saturday..
Like.. Mass of hickeys kinda melded into one giant one that took up his whole neck on one side..
I felt sooooo bad..
I thought it was so trashy, I couldnt BELIEVE I did that..
But he left some to.. So we kinda even...
And I have random bruises on my inner thighs...

Sav and I concluded they are from his hip bones... ;] LOL

Uhhh.. Friday - Lets start there instead of jumping all around.. Lol
There must be order to the chaos haha

Friday, I bailed on the Gay Trip to Burlington..
Epic Fail..
Epic win - got a handful of condoms from Greame
More of a win - went to Jers.
=] As Sherer would say 'Hilerity insues..'
At about 4 am; we got into a passionate discussion about economics and politics and whatnot..

Yeah. More like I got into a passionate talk.. He kinda sat there and listened to me rant and ramble.
Note to self/Reminder - GUYS HATE THAT. Totaly forgot..
Need to remember that next time..

Woke up at 7; little while later after more 'hilerity'
We took a shower
To die for.
Then made breakfast.
Skrambled eggs bitches ftw..
Then we played, more like he taught me, and I played Assasins Creed 2

Then later.. Much later

He dropped me off at Savs; which led to me having a Twisted Tea and laughing tipsily at the friendly gathering of eleven people, two of which shorlty departed for their room lol

Then I woke up upstairs in 'my room' as sav calls it lol
Shes invited me repeatedly to move in
196 bucks a month
Not bad; thats with a room on the third floor and a lock on my door lol

Then I got up and took a shower by myself and then had Jer give me and Sav a ride to Kelseys cuz he was in town
I was there maybe five minutes
And she was like give me your phone I was like no. Im not here for you to use my phone. Im here to say hi and kick your ass.
Shes dropped out of school.
and shes mad at me for dating Jer.
She has no right to be mad at me.
My best friend isnt being fair to me, Jer or Danny AND shes fucked up her life.
I SO have bigger fish to fry with that.
Jer came and got me.

then we went towards Greames..
I started to cry alittle in the car..

I was like great; my oldest friend. Gone. wonderful.
Shes going to go no where in her life and I have to sit on the sidelines sit on my hands and do nothing.
Fuck this shit.

he pulled over and was like "You. Woman. Drive."

We were on a backroad
I got into the drivers side of the jeep and drove maybe five miles round trip?
It was amaing.
I'll never know how he got me to do it

Hes just..
He give me the strength to do things I've never done before

He.. empowers me.
Makes me want to better myself..
I cant explain it

Then we went to Greames and got him and drove out to Jers casa

And hung there for a few hours playing video games and me facebooking
Then we left with the intentions of going to Applebees, then PizzA Hut and then ultimately going to McDonalds lol
and Jer had asked me earlier Saturday IF I had ever gone iceskating. I told him i hadnt and that I would love too go =]

So tonight I went iceskating, without iceskates.
And wrote in the inch of snow on top of the ice I love you JP

=] We we sliding and dancing and I did a few softball slides and a few rock star ones
Greame and eli and Ian were with us and Isaiah was in the car with the heat on and the music blaring lol

But the moment was beautiful.


Random note; eli and Alyssa are wall to walling on FB?
Lol Its all over my home page.. Randomness.. lol

Writer's Block: Time may change me ...
People often focus on the things they'd love to change about their lives. What parts of your life would you choose to keep exactly the same?

In all honesty - nothing. Im so happy and excited how my life is playing out right now. Thats so wierd coming out of my mouth; but I honestly have never been so happy in my life =]

Im a junior; class of 2011

And you know what?

Im totaly okay with it =]

Writer's Block: What I did for love
Have you ever made an important life decision (such as where to work or attend school) based on purely emotional factors, even though you knew it was not the best choice for you? Would you do it again?

How ironic that the writers block goes with life today haha.
Well; the decision is:
- stick through another year of highschool because all my credits didnt transfer
(meaning I dont graduate this June; I go in as a Junior instead of a Senior and graduate 2011)
- Or drop out and get my GED.
And right now; I havent made my decision, I have until tomorrow morning at 8:30 am to make my decision.
Anyone have insight or opinions??

Do I stay for another year of school at one of the top ten private highschools in the country because the public one Im transfering in fom sucks.
Or do I cut my loses and get my GED and 'graduate' with the rest of my friends and classmates.

Lenny Klein?... Uhh.. Wtf?




Uh Hi?

Whats up


i heard u moved to vt, that true?


I really dont see how my life is any of your buisness; n offense Lenny.


just askin


Just replying



i was gonna say good luck in vt and all that'


Okay well thank you I guess..


but if u sdidn't, sayin it woud be awkward


Yeah it would make it awkward; why is my personal like being discussed by you and whoever you heard something from is what Im wondering right now


just thought i'd say good luck, that's all


Lenny; seriously; we didnt end the last time we talked on good terms and now you've messaged me twice in the lst two weeks.







Great. Well nice talking to you.


but i saw no harm in extending good wishes

ok, byee

Hes really creeping me out..
What the hell..

Oh my god. Rai. <3


If she only knew what these tiny little things ment too me haha <3
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